It’s the holiday season again, and we at Chart Attack are outlining all the things you should buy your loved ones, and also us. So read on, buy at least one thing, and carry it around with you, so you can give it to us if you see us on the street.
We spent 2013 scouring the merch tables at shows, but since we’ve usually got our hands full of 50, we waited until now to buy it all. So we sourced it all out online, and today we share the fruits of our labour.
Polaris Prize “That’s Entertainment” T-Shirt
The package: If there’s anything music fans like, it’s gauzy nostalgia for the not-so-distant past (see: chillwave). And nothing elicits those warm fuzzies quite like the recent remembrance of Boxing Day shopping at Sam The Record Man, especially now that the fate of the iconic Yonge Street sign is in question. Wear that wistfulness on your chest with the Polaris Prize’s Sam’s-evoking “That’s Entertainment” t-shirt.
Who’s it for?: Anyone who remembers a time before Record Store Day. No one who goes to Ryerson.
Jeremy Laing X Arts & Crafts 10th Anniversary T-Shirts
The package: Somewhere down the line, t-shirts became high fashion… or at least that’s what Canadian mega-indie Arts & Crafts will tell you to convince you to spend $75 on a band shirt. That’s how much a Jeremy Laing-branded Broken Social Scene, Feist or Timber Timbre tee will run you, but at least it goes to a good cause.
Who’s it for?: Readers of festival fashion style guides.
Where to get it: Arts & Crafts’ online store
Ugly Christmas Sweaters
The package: Remember last year when the Slayer Christmas sweater came out and you had yourself a good chuckle? Well, apparently so did every other band on the planet. Now everyone from Queens of the Stone Age to Death From Above 1979 to The Roots have taken the concept and played it to death like a riff in a 10-minute thrash song.
Who’s it for?: Ugly Christmas Sweater party guests who want to impress their friends by wearing “Kill Your Mother, Rape Your Dog.” Merry Christmas!
Where to get it: Click around on some of those band names up there. Go ahead.
Run The Jewels Herb Grinder
The package: El-P and Killer Mike gave away their 2013 collaborative mixtape for free, but they’re charging for the accoutrements. Fire up that .wav file alongside some “herb” from this Run The Jewels-branded grinder. Lighters also available.
Who’s it for?: C’mon, you know exactly who it’s for.
Where go get it: Fool’s Gold
The package: We gave away our best present this year with our massive, over 40-deep Cassette Store Day giveaway. That was a big do, but tapes are cheap enough to create a similar package for your own DIY noise-fetishist gift recipient.
Who’s it for?: Band friends with vans too old for a CD player.
Where to get it: Weird Canada’s new cross-country Wyrd Distro won’t launch until the new year, so revisit that contest post and click around on some of those label links. Most of them will gladly mail you some tapes.
Bonus: What Not To Give
Kanye West’s Yeezus merch seems like it was designed more to be talked about than to be worn, but in case you’re thinking about dropping 40 bucks on a shirt with confederate flags or Native American headdress-draped skulls at one of his upcoming arena dates, just don’t. Just don’t.
And in case you wanted to get the jump on next year’s American Thanksgiving, resist the urge to buy one of Mastodon’s t-shirts.