Official Notice Concerning White Cowbell Oklahoma And Chart Communications
Saturday March 08, 2008 @ 04:30 PM
By: ChartAttack.com Staff

March 8, 2008

Chart Communications Executive Memo

To: White Cowbell Oklahoma

Re: Participation In ChartAttack.com's Annual Rock 'n' Roll Report Cards

Chart Communication staff ombudsmen have uncovered content irregularities during a routine analysis of editorial coverage related specifically to musical act White Cowbell Oklahoma (henceforth referred to as "WCO"), and ChartAttack.com's traditional Rock 'n' Roll Report Cards.

Of particular concern were the consistent, disproportionately high grades WCO have been receiving (examples below).

NXNE 2007

• Grade: 100 per cent

NXNE 2004

• Grade: 92 per cent

NXNE 2003

• Grade: 99.5 per cent

NXNE 2001

• Grade: 97 per cent

Further investigation into these scores have revealed a toxic, systemic combination of corruption, collusion, bribery and intimidation related to the interactions between WCO and Chart Communications staff.

It has been determined that senior Chart Communications editors and writers, as well as their friends and acquaintances, have willingly drank, drugged and/or partaken in sexual relations with members of WCO.

Furthermore, senior Chart Communications personnel have created a "culture of tolerance," whereby junior Chart writers would be forcibly and publicly subjected to degrading actions perpetrated by WCO, a short list of which include:

• being splattered by flying coleslaw
• having turkey thrown at them
• having corn cobs thrown at them
• having "cosmic ejaculate" sprayed on them
• drinking contests
• wet t-shirt contests

It is the opinion of the Chart Communication Executive that these heinous and immoral actions can no longer be tolerated by our organization.

Although it has been determined that the concert scheduled for March 8, 2008, at the Horseshoe Tavern in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, featuring WCO and officially promoted by ChartAttack.com must legally continue, our organization will be immediately banning the group White Cowbell Oklahoma from future Rock 'n' Roll Report Card coverage.

You people disgust us. Officially, Chart Communications Executive Board