Every generation has its athletic heroes. When that inevitable day comes when they hang up their skates or cleats, a nation takes the chance to reminisce about the memories that those legends have left them.
We all remember the last time Wayne Gretzky skated a lap around the rink, Larry Bird hitting his last three-pointer, Joe Namath throwing his last touchdown pass — those images are indelibly imprinted in our collective consciousness and are likely to last for generations.
A new hero will now raise his sweaty T-shirt to the rafters, tossed his invisible pick into the crowd and bit adieu to the adoring throngs.
Johnny Utah, the Canadian air guitar champion for a record three years straight, has announced he will put down his imaginary axe for the last time after this year's world championship in Finland.
"Three times in a row. It's a Canadian hat trick," Utah says wistfully. "It's the best time to go out, while I'm on top.
"You know, Michael Jordan after he got all his rings. I just think it's a sweet way to go. And as much as the guys in Finland and everyone involved loves me, it's time to see somebody else from Canada for a change."
The Whistler, B.C. native, who goes by the name Cole Manson when not rocking his balls off onstage, goes out with no regrets but one: Despite all his success in his native country, he never took home the biggest prize of all.
"I don't have any regrets except all those times I didn't win in Finland. I could have tried harder, but no regrets," he says defiantly, before adding, "That second place victory in Toronto... I don’'t know if it's regret. I broke that beer bottle over my head, and they said it was because of that that they gave me second place. They said I was 'too abrasive.'
"I don't really regret doing it, but it sucks that's why I didn't win my first year, because then I could have been the four-time champ."
Like great champions no matter the sport (and yes, air guitar is a sport; it even made ESPN), Utah won't simply ride into the sunset. No, like Bob Gainey, Mark Messier, Steve Yzerman and the Great One himself, Utah is moving into the proverbial front office.
"I'm still gonna be involved in air guitar after this," he explains. "More of an organizer's role, put on some shows, a little bit of exhibition [performances]. More of like, kind of like a host, MC, organizer... a bit of managing for sure.
"If you look at [American air guitar god] Bjorn Turoque, he hosts all the United States shows and does little exhibition gigs to kick off the night. I want to do some stuff like that."
Perhaps the most amazing thing about Utah's career has been his insatiable appetite for sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. His thirst for the best and worst that life offers has been far from a hindrance and he claims it has been key to his enduring success.
"Has it been hard to resist temptations?" he muses. "You know, it's part of the career, part of the job. It's not really a temptation, more of a requirement."
Making way for the next generation while holding a world record that may never be broken, he offers some words of support for the kids looking to make their own name in the cutthroat world of competitive air guitar.
"Make sure you put some effort into your show," he cautions. "Don't just think that picking a name for yourself and your song and editing your minute is all that it takes. You need to put some effort into your show, rehearse a couple of times, do some research, come up with some sweet moves and some ideas and make the show entertaining."
Johnny Utah, you entertained us. No higher words of praise can be given. Make us proud in Finland.
